In 2013, the belief that I was a separate self shattered, thanks to working with an online guide using direct pointing techniques. I truly realised there was no ‘me’ in control. I experienced bliss and felt in love with everything.
This experience of bliss lasted a couple of months. Then I started to ‘flip-flop’ in and out of it. One moment I was on the stage believing the unfolding tragic tale I was acting in, and the next I was back in bliss, watching from stage left, wondering why I’d been drawn back into believing the story.
While I never believed in a separate self again, I certainly seemed to act as if I did! With the help of a friend, and instruction from an erudite scholar of Buddhist texts, further explorations took place and under their guidance the other delusions which kept me from peace and contentment fell away. By 2017, to all intents and purposes, suffering stopped. Seeking had stopped. Resistance to how things are had stopped. Negative judgement of others has stopped. I’ve been pretty content since then.
Let’s make things clear: This doesn’t mean that life is always satisfactory, nor that I am always well and pain-free. Nor am I living in material abundance with unrivaled success heading my way.
Nor do I appear to be the perfect being with perfect speech – in fact old habits seem to get me into trouble speech wise more than anything, and even odd conversations where people think I’m taking things personally (ha!), when I’m just trying to learn my habitual traits, or caring about my effect on others.
I am still working with conditioning/bodyheld trauma, but I am now okay with feeling vulnerable, and allowing emotions to just flow through without being attached to or identified with them.
I do live in peace, usually with compassion and self-acceptance. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not special. This awakening and freedom from suffering is open to anyone – is open to you.
Peace & love, Lake